My mother just lectured me on how I’m not trying to fight my brain. She said when she was a little older than me, she had things much worse. I don’t think there should be such thing as comparison in terms of mental illness. We, as well as anyone battling their brain, have had it bad in our own way. There are tons of problems that are different than mine and hers, and I don’t think it’s fair to compare them to eachother; they all have different effects.
I think I need to come off of this medication I’m on pronto. Not only does it cause lactation (which causes extreme dysphoria,) but I also just experienced some sort of body lock up. I was feeling like shit and out of nowhere I couldn’t move. I tried asking my mom for help but she just kept screaming from downstairs. My only real friend, my love, got upset that I tried to contact her during this crisis. I can understand how she feels, and it makes me wish I didn’t have all of these problems. She needs someone who will support her during her times of need, and although I was trying the best I could to do that, it simply wasn’t enough. I don’t deserve her in my life, and I think she’s finally come to that conclusion.
I really just want to give up. My mom thinks that’s happened already, but it really hasn’t. I’m trying, a lot harder than I was, to live. I thought I was doing okay, but I don’t know anymore.
I guess you could say I am getting somewhat better because instead of getting a tool, I put la dispute and pants on.
I can’t trust myself with bare legs right now.
Have any of you had your parent/guardian ask you if you want to be hypnotized to detransition? It’s been almost 3 years that I’ve been out and I know it’s hard for family to accept being trans or anything “out of the ordinary.” She’s willing to pay for this hypnotizing but not for hormone treatments and I mean I knew she didn’t like who I am but I didn’t know she wanted to do something about it. I’m hurt as hell, and I know this is considered minor in matters of acceptance and that others have it worse but I just wish my mom loved me for who I am, not who I used to say I was.
WHY DO WE EVEN HAVE GENDERED DEODORANTS IF IM A GROWN ASS MAN AND I WANT TO SMELL LIKE COCOA BUTTER KISS THEN I FUCKIN WILL